Grace Baptist Chapel

These are editorials our pastor has written.

 

 HILLBILLY TRUISMS
February is now upon us.  I certainly hope it goes better than did the months December and January.  Winter can be dreary and sometimes even depressing.  This week I want to try to put a smile on some faces.  I have decided to draw from the deep well of my past experiences, failures, and casual observations and offer some unsolicited guidance and nuggets of “hillbilly” wisdom to my younger friends.  If taken to heart, these observations from my past will at least give some clues on why things are as they are.

  1. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted and then used against you.
  2. 97 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name
  3. He who laughs last thinks slowest.
  4. Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines.
  5. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
  6. I drive way to fast to worry about my cholesterol.
  7. Borrow money from a pessimist—they don’t expect it back.
  8. A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
  9. Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
10. For many people a “clear conscience” is usually the sign of a bad memory.
11. If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving is not for you.
12. Always try to be modest and be proud of it.
13. Heck is where people go who don’t believe in “gosh.”
14. Wrinkled was not one of the things I wanted to be when I grew up.
15. Doctors call it “PMS” because “Mad Cow Disease” was already taken.
16 He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless dead.
17. Never kick a cow chip on a hot day.
18. For my preacher friends, “If you’re riding “ahead of the herd,” take a look back
    every now and then to make sure it’s still there.  WEN